* Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow.
* Do not walk beside me for the path is narrow.
* In fact, just piss off and leave me alone.

* Sex is like air.
* It's not important unless you aren't getting any.


* No one is listening until you fart.

* Always remember you're unique. Just like everyone else.

* Never test the depth of the water with both feet.

* If you think nobody cares whether you're alive or dead, try missing a couple of mortgage payments.

* Before you criticise someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticise them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.

* If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.


* Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day.
* Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

* If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably well worth it.

* If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.


* Some days you are the bug; some days you are the windscreen.


* Don't worry; it only seems kinky the first time.


* Good judgment comes from bad experience, and most of that comes from bad judgment.


* A closed mouth gathers no food.


* There are two theories to arguing with women.
* Neither one works.


* Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips are moving.


* Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.


* We are born naked, wet and hungry, and get slapped on our arse ... then things just get worse.


* Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

1 comment · Post a comment