The media loves to show the “spectacular” side of fetishes and the most extreme parts of alternative sexuality. In reality, the vast majority of people who practice BDSM (Bondage, Domination, Sadomasochism and Masochism) don’t practice the more extreme forms of it. Many people get introduced to their kinky side when they see something on TV or on the internet and they discover that it’s what they are missing in their life.
These are a few BDSM “Quick Bits and Bites” to explain the basics to people discovering this side of their alternative sexuality.
The Right Partner!
Obviously, you have to find a partner that shares your interest. We have encountered many people happy in their BDSM relationship, but we have also witnessed some that have entered a BDSM relationship and found themselves unhappy with it. BDSM is NOT for everybody.
Consent!
Sounds obvious right? But a person may think they have consent when they actually don’t. Having clear consent is a must not only morally, but also legally. Having BDSM play with a willing partner is a beautiful thing to see. Having BDSM play with an unwilling partner is assault!
Negotiation!
What interests do you share in BDSM? What “limits” you do not want to cross? A negotiation is something that MUST be kept alive throughout the entire length of the relationship. What’s okay and not okay may change as your experience and tastes evolve. Having a breakdown in the negotiation is often followed by a breakup in the relationship.
Safety!
BDSM can be dangerous. Learn the dangers and how to avoid them. Educate yourself and your partnet about the use of “safe words”. If you want to try a new activity; research it! There are books, magazines and websites that can help you, but remember to always cross-reference any information you find with other sources. What you find on the internet is not always correct! Know what the risks are when participating in an activity, so that you can make informed choices.
Respect and Trust!
Know who you’re playing with. The rule is very simple; when you are tied up on somebody’s cross, it is a bit late to have doubts about your partner, and if you were wrong from the beginning, the consequences could be dire! The opposite is true as well; always make sure your partner in any sexual activity has given consent and is aware of all of the aspects of what they are about to participate in.
Use Common Sense and Start Slow!
Build your BDSM relationship on a solid base, not “what it should be” but what it is possible for it to be! There are physical limitations to this type of play and you all participants should be aware of them! Be an informed BDSMer, know your risks, play safe and enjoy exploring your kink.