You are probably asking yourself, “What kind of question is that? Don’t you just feel it?” Love in relationships goes through many stages. At the beginning of a relationship, when we feel completely “in love”, we are actually in the lust and infatuation phase. That time in your relationship when you can’t keep your hands off of each other and want to spend every waking moment together. This does not last forever. Love that lasts beyond the infatuation phase has three important elements: passion, intimacy, and commitment (this is called consummate love). This kind of love is ideal, and couples who have all three of these elements in a relationship are likely to survive the long haul.
What about couples who have intimacy and commitment but no passion? This kind of love is called companionate love. It is deeper than a friendship, but may lack sexual activity. People who have been together for a long time may find themselves in this type of love relationship.
Many of us go through multiple romantic love relationships—relationships that have passion and intimacy, but that lack commitment.
Below is a poem, by an unknown author, that may make you think:
ABOUT TRUE LOVE
Are your palms sweaty, is your heart racing, And your voice caught within your chest?
- It isn’t Love, it’s Like.
You can’t keep your eyes or hands off of them, am I right?
- It isn’t Love, its Lust.
Are you proud, and eager to show them off?
- It isn’t Love, its Luck.
Do you want them because you know they’re there?
- It isn’t Love, its Loneliness.
Are you there because it’s what everyone wants?
- It isn’t Love, its Loyalty.
Do you stay for their confessions of Love, because you don’t want to hurt them?
- It isn’t Love, its Pity.
Are you there because they kissed you, or held your hand?
- It isn’t Love, it’s being Unconfident.
Do you belong to them because their sight makes your heart skip a beat?
- It isn’t Love, its Infatuation.
Do you pardon their faults because you care about them?
- It isn’t Love, its Friendship.
Do you tell them every day they are the only one you think of?
- It isn’t Love, it’s a Lie.
Are you willing to give all of your favorite things for their sake?
- It isn’t Love, its Charity.
Does your heart ache and break when they’re sad?
- Then it’s Love.
Are you attracted to others, but stay with them faithfully without regret?
- Then it’s Love.
Do you accept their faults because they’re a part of who they are?
- Then it’s Love.
Do you cry for their pain, even when they’re strong?
- Then it’s Love.
Do their eyes see your true heart, and touch your soul so deeply it hurts?
- Then it’s Love.
But do you stay because a blinding, incomprehensible mix of pain and elation pulls you close and holds you?
- Then it’s Love.
Would you give them your heart, your life, your death?
- Then it’s Love.
Now, if Love is painful, and Tortures us so,
Why do we Love?
Why is it all we long for in life?
This torture, this powerful death of self?
Why?
Because it’s…LOVE.