Whether we admit them or not, we all have fantasies. Some are simple, like a mental image or sex act you have always wanted to try. Others may be more elaborate, like a role-playing scene you want to carry out or a particular setting you want to have sex in. Some of the most common fantasies include experiences with members of the same sex, group sex or threesomes, sex with a stranger, sex with a famous person, voyeurism or exhibitionism, or experimenting with bondage, sadism, and masochism. It is completely normal to have fantasies and to want to explore those fantasies. Here are a few things you should keep in mind if you want to explore a fantasy.
1. Think About What Really Draws You to the Fantasy
Sometimes our fantasies can tell us a lot about ourselves. Do you want to experiment with the same sex because you want to explore your sexuality? Do you want to have group sex or a threesome to feel attractive or wanted? Do you want to experiment with bondage and submission to give up control and let someone else make decisions because you make so many every day? Do you want to have sex in a church or cemetery to feel rebellious? Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar and sometimes a fantasy is as simple as “that sounds like fun” but exploring the “why” is an exercise worth doing to figure out the best way to explore your fantasy.
2. Get Creative
Props, costumes, scripts, lights, camera, action! Exploring a fantasy might require a little prep work ahead of time. You might want to set the scene to make a scenario more believable or authentic. You may want to get costumes to help yourself mentally transition out of “real life” into your fantasy. Having a plan ahead of time may help things fall into place more naturally. The prep work may be even more practical than that — if your fantasy involves a lot of fluids, you may need to lay out some towels or find a place with a drain. Taking the time to get set up could be a lot of fun and help build the anticipation before you ever even get started.
3. Be Prepared to Compromise (With Your Partner and Yourself)
Sometimes our fantasies may be a little out of reach. This could be for a number of reasons. If your fantasy is illegal, unethical, or unsafe, you should not explore it in a way that will put you or anyone else at risk. You may need to adapt your fantasy to a more acceptable version before taking any action on it. This means compromising with yourself. Furthermore, your partner (if applicable) may not be on board with the full extent of your fantasy. Maybe certain things are way too far out of their comfort zone, triggering of a past trauma, or just not compatible with their own sexual preferences and needs. If this is the case, you might need to compromise. While getting out of your comfort zone can be good, it is not okay to force or pressure someone else to participate in your fantasy. If you really want to have sex in public but your partner is not okay with the possibility of getting caught, you might want to find an in-between space that is semi-public with a lower risk of getting caught so both of you can have fun and be comfortable.
4. Consent Is Key
Unless you have had prior conversations agreeing to trying certain things out, you should not engage in a fantasy with your partner without their permission if that fantasy is beyond the bounds of what you normally do or have previously discussed. Be sure you have your partner’s consent before trying anything new.
Be sure to also have any third-party’s consent as well. If you are going to play out an exhibitionist fantasy, make sure the person “catching” or “seeing” you is okay with it. Strangers at the park did not consent to seeing you in the heat of the moment, so don’t involve them. And definitely make sure all parties involved in a cuckold fantasy are on board before engaging in any sexual acts.
5. Don’t Compromise When It Comes to Safety, Legality, and Ethics
Compromise is key, but there are some things you should not compromise on.
Always be sure to stay safe while engaging in any risky behaviors whether the risky behavior includes unprotected sex or having sex near a cliff. Getting badly injured is one quick way to ruin the moment, so be careful. You also should not compromise by doing anything illegal or unethical. It isn’t worth it.
6. Not All Fantasies Are Worth Pursuing
Sometimes fantasies should just stay fantasies. If your fantasy is something your partner isn’t okay with or if it is something illegal or unethical, then you probably shouldn’t explore it. Even if that is not the case, sometimes a fantasy can be much more fun if it stays a fantasy. Trying out a fantasy just for it to be a little lame or awkward can be really disappointing. Make sure you give it plenty of thought before doing something you will regret.
For tips and advice on ways to improve your intimate and sexual relationships, Dr. Stacy Friedman holds a Doctorate degree in Human Sexuality in addition to a Masters in Clinical Sexology and is a Certified Sex Coach. She offers remote complimentary 15-minute consultations and ongoing coaching sessions. Call 1-561-899-7669 or visit drstacyfriedman.com today!