So you and a friend want to be friends-with-benefits (FWB). This means you will be friends having sexual relations, without being in any sort of committed relationship.
It does not matter how you got to this point. Perhaps you were just friends that ended up having a one night stand hook up that just happened and now want to turn it into something more regular. It could be that you both discussed it as friends and it just seems like a good idea to try. Maybe you are dating casually but do not want to announce it to anyone publicly yet, so acting like FWB makes the most sense to you both. It could also be that you were in a relationship at one point but broke up and want to stay friends but also want the sex to continue.
There are many ways people find themselves as friends-with-benefits, but the key to any successful friends-with-benefits is mastering the FWB rules. The following are some “Frank Rules” to managing your next great FWB liaison. Of course, it should be noted that many different kinds of arrangements exist and this is simply what I have found to be the best guidelines to adhere to in my own experience.
1) Secrecy: FWB is a discreet engagement. No one should ever know you even have a FWB. No one should ever be able to tell just by seeing the two of you together in public that you are being intimate when alone. When you and your FWB are at the same party or social event, you behave like friends who are NOT sleeping together. FWB works behind closed doors when no one is looking. You do not hold hands, kiss or show romantic affection for each other in the presence of your other friends. If your FWB is talking with someone that could be a potential future date for him or her, you cannot express any jealousy. To the rest of the world, you must present yourselves as nothing but friends. In fact, you never even tell your FWB about your other FWB, nor should you ask whom else your FWB has as a FWB.
2) Frequency: A proper FWB relationship means you only see each other once a week. Twice a week on occasion if you plan a special getaway. One of the biggest mistakes that partners make in FWB arrangement is that they try to see each other as often as they can in a short time period. All this will do is confuse the issue. Seeing each other more than once a week is acting like a more serious relationship than it is, and can encourage romantic feelings to develop. It can be very hurtful to develop an attachment to someone that you will not have a long-term future with.
3) Duration: It is key to remember that FWB is likely a time-limited affair. If you have managed it well, you will hopefully still be friends afterwards. The reality of FWB is that this time-limited love-snuggle, tends to end quickly and the FWB practitioners tend to end up alone at the worst possible times. For example, no one would want to spend a holiday with a FWB when they could have the potential of meeting someone new for a deeper connection, which is why many FWB tend to end abruptly around holidays.
Eventually, chances are very high that one or both of you will end up in a serious relationship down the road. The chances are also very high that your future spouse or partner may not want you to continue a friendship with someone that you were secretly intimate with. So enjoy it while it lasts, and be realistic about the future.
In this Youtube Video, Frank Kermit presents The Friends-With-Benefits Quiz to a live audience at the Solo Lifestyle Show in Montreal. Take the quiz and find out how much you know about managing friends-with-benefits.
Learn more about what Frank Kermit can do for you at www.FrankTalks.Com