How truthful are you to others? Have you ever told a lie to get something from your partner? Who do you think lies more, men or women? How big a deal is it if we tell someone a little fib about our past? What if we forget to tell our partner a minor detail about ourselves for one reason or another?
The Truth About Lying
What about faking an orgasm: Is this lying? Do you think people lie about their sexual side because it’s easier than trying to make it better? Do you think it’s okay to lie about the little things?
I think we’d all like to believe that we are kind, caring, truthful individuals. But can that be stretched to say that we’re truthful only most of the time? Everyone has to avoid mentioning something now and then, right?
We can’t always be 100% honest—maybe not telling the truth will save you and the person you’re telling the lie to…for whatever reason. It just seems lying on the surface makes it easier for people to get along with each other.
Do you think lying should be okay if we’re trying to look out for our partner?
What do you think about lying to get what you want: maybe a date, a phone number, perhaps a sexual favor?
Some people feel covering up or omitting minor details makes them feel more respectable. Believe it or not, there are many things we decide not to say to someone because we’re afraid of ruining our image. So what do we call that? Could we call that lying? Or is that just an oversight?
The Reasons People Lie
There’s a lot to be said about the lies of men and the lies of women. New research proves, as it turns out, that a majority of women lie in everyday conversation to make the other person feel good, while men fib to make themselves look better.
If we’re talking about a relationship, where let’s say these two people lie on a day-to-day basis, do you think that small frequent lies outweigh the really big ones that are told every once in a while?
Research shows that the uncommon “big” lies involve deep betrayals of trust. What’s worse is that the vast majority of them happen between people in intimate relationships.
Sadly, people often save really big lies for the person that they’re closest to.
Maybe this is not intentional, but it’s true. Not being completely honest about past relationships, sexual likes and dislikes, and things they’ve done…these are BIG lies that could be detrimental to a relationship.
Incidentally, when researchers refer to lying, they don’t include the mindless small talk we offer each other in passing.
Things like “I’m fine, thanks” or “It’s no trouble at all” are not necessarily lies. An “official” lie actually misleads, intentionally implying something false. And it seems we do that often enough!
Now, as for men and women, a study found that men and women told an equal number of lies, though their intentions for lying were different.
It said that women generally tried to smooth out social situations. They try to make everyone feel good in any situation.
Men tended to be more competitive. Now one way to be more competitive is to build yourself up. Make yourself seem great.
Now here’s another area where lying comes in—during sex. I mean, has there been a time where for the sake of the moment and the enjoyment of our partner, we pretend we’re enjoying the sex because it’s easier than trying to make it better? Lies can also form even before the sex has been had.
Seriously—Don’t Lie About This One
What about if you lie to get sex? Maybe omitting the fact that you have an STD to have sex—is not only a lie but a violation of consent and potentially criminal.
Lies like this might be more common between two people that just hook up for a night. This is a big issue.
Have you ever heard this before:
“I ALWAYS PRACTICE SAFE SEX.”
“I’VE NEVER BEEN PROMISCUOUS.”
“I JUST HAD A TEST SIX WEEKS AGO.”
“DON’T WORRY; I’M ON THE PILL.”
According to recent research, your sex partner may be telling you these health-threatening lies to get you in bed. What’s worst is that the people who tell these know that it’s wrong.
Another recent study reveals that women are more likely than men to lie about their sex lives. A US study of a fake lie detector test unveiled women’s coyness about their sexual behavior. In surveys since the 1960s, men typically report having more sexual partners than women, which is a statistically impossible feat.
For example, British men boast an average of 13 partners over a lifetime compared with an average of nine partners for women. Scientists previously explained this anomaly by suggesting men were exaggerating their tally, while women were understating their total. But now Terri Fisher at Ohio State University and Michele Alexander at the University of Maine suggest that men are more truthful in such surveys.
The researchers found that women change their answers depending on whether or not they believe they will be caught out not telling the truth. The number of sexual partners a woman reported nearly doubled when women thought they were hooked up to a lie detector machine.
“Women are more sensitive to social expectations for their sexual behavior and may be less than honest when asked about their behavior in some survey conditions,” says Fisher, a psychologist. She says women appeared to feel under pressure to meet expectations of being more relationship-orientated and not promiscuous.
What Lies Are People Telling?
Here are some of the top lies men will tell:
- She’s just a friend.
- I could care less what my ex is doing.
- I’d be happy just holding you.
- It’s just a rash…the doctor says it’s nothing.
- I don’t have any money.
- I got a flat tire.
- I never got the page.
- I wasn’t around a phone.
- My cell phone’s battery went dead.
- I’m not jealous.
- I’m well endowed.
- I’m not attracted to your best friend.
- No one has ever faked it with ME.
- You don’t look fat in that.
- I’ll call you.
Here are some of the top lies women will tell:
- I’m washing my hair. (Classic!)
- Of course I came, honey!
- You’re the best lover I’ve ever had.
- Oh, this? It’s just something I threw on. (It’s brand-new)
- Your mother is sweet! (For a domineering shrew)
- I never masturbate. (We diddle ourselves just as much as you do)
- It’s just what I always wanted! (The bigger the smile, the bigger the lie)
- Marriage? I’ve never even thought about it…(We planned the whole event out in the womb)
- I would never leave you for (insert name of rich, famous, attractive man here).
- So and So told me you (insert incriminating act here).
- I have a boyfriend.
- I don’t have a boyfriend.
- I’m a lesbian
- It’s not you; it’s me.
Have you said these things lately? You probably have, either to get out of a conversation with someone or even to get into a conversation. Telling a lie can work both ways. But the question is, will it hurt you or others you care about if you lie? If lying is used infrequently as a harmless way of avoiding an argument, it doesn’t seem that bad—but many of the lies discussed here can harm the relationship and ruin trust—something to think about before your next little white lie.