I recently made the rather catastrophic mistake of accepting a large number of friend requests from people I didn’t know on Facebook. I figured that folks who add strangers on the internet could likely benefit from my sex education page, so my goal was to direct them to my page where I have educational resources about sexuality. Anyway, BIG MISTAKE. Since this day, I have been bombarded with dick pics, incessant FaceTime calls (sometimes 17 times in a row!), and almost more annoyingly a seemingly endless stream of Facebook messages that just say “hi,” “hi mamme,” or “hello” repeatedly. Anyway, I had to get creative with my responses. I tried everything from getting my boyfriend who has an impressively hairy chest to respond with his shirt off, to attempting to engage in role-play as historical figures, but mostly ended up wasting a ton of my time and energy blocking and deleting a ton of people.
There is nothing inherently wrong with adding people you don’t know online, but there is a strategy to doing this in a way that doesn’t waste both parties’ time. I’m mostly speaking to you cis straight men, although this advice can be helpful to many folks.
So, feel like connecting, what’s the move?
What Is Your Aim?
The first step is to spend some time and figure out why it is that you are adding strangers on the internet. Are you hoping to engage in a sexual conversation? Would you like to learn about the culture of somebody who is living on the other side of the world? Are you hoping to find somebody to date? Do you want to be educated about a particular topic? Any of these options are great, but figuring out your goal makes finding the right platform easier.
Pick Your Platform
We live in a crazy technological time where there is a site for almost any type of connection you may be craving. The problem is when there is no consistency between what you are looking for and the site you are adding people on. F*ckbook.com is an amazing site if you are looking to engage in erotic conversation, however, Facebook and Instagram are not. Attempting to have a sexual conversation with a stranger on Facebook is synonymous with going on F*ckbook and sharing pictures of your cute pets or baby pictures, most people are not interested.
Be Clear
If you are adding someone to a platform that isn’t explicitly for meeting strangers, in your first message you should clearly describe what you are looking for. Say you see someone on Instagram and they are the most beautiful person you have ever seen. Message them and explain that you couldn’t help but add them and you would love to talk to them if they are open to it. Or take the risk, and say that you would love to have an erotic conversation if they are open to it. DON’T RANDOMLY SEND THEM A PICTURE OF YOUR PENIS! Sharing a nude without consent is a breach. There is also virtually no situation where a woman would initially be mad or annoyed that you added them, but then see your penis and be like damn it’s nice, I’m not mad anymore. Remember, women overall are less visually aroused than men. For me the same penis can be either exciting or gross, it really all depends on what the human attached to the penis is like. If they have slowly turned me on and made me excited, bring on the dick pics! But if they are somebody I don’t know who randomly added me and sent me an unsolicited dick pic, this will usually do nothing for me except make me annoyed.
Re-Read Your Message
Hellu. Babby. Wut u doin? Hiiii. I want to duck you. Plzzzzz. Not taking the time to write out a coherent sentence is beyond frustrating. It makes me think that the person I am talking to isn’t intelligent, and if they can’t spell hello, how could they possibly be able to have an erotic conversation with me, let alone know how to find my clitoris if we met in the flesh. I understand that for folks who are in the process of learning English writing coherently can be difficult, but I suggest using google translate instead of trying to pick up English slang right away.
Explain Why We Should Want To Talk To You
I am often compelled when strangers say a bit about their life and experiences when they are introducing themselves to me. I have had fascinating conversations with a salesman from a market in Dubai and a young student from a village in India, who I actually ended up hiring as my intern. What differentiated these folks from the others is they shared a bit about their life, and explained that they wanted to learn about life on the other side of the world. I’m sure they wouldn’t have said no to a boobie picture, but at least they went about it in a real humanizing way.
Reach Out Only Once
This is KEY. If you message someone and don’t get a response, let it go. Do you really want to be bothering someone who isn’t interested in talking to you? Repeat calling or messaging is harassment, and there is no way it will possibly end well for you.
We are often craving human connection and especially due to the current state of the world, the internet may be a great way to find it. If you follow the strategies above, I hope that you are able to find a connection that is productive and mutually satisfying.