Differences In Desire
Q: My wife doesn’t seem to have a sex drive at all anymore. We went through a really stressful period last year with family stuff and at first, we bounced back, but then it faded out again even though the exterior factors weren’t an issue anymore. I do my best to put in the work to get her in the mood and I’ll spend hours on foreplay if I have to, but we barely even get to that point anymore. How do we get back to where we used to be?
A: It’s quite common for couples to go through these phases in their sexual lives. For women, desire tends to fluctuate more than it does for men, and often, women in long-term relationships lose their spontaneous desire for sex (their hunger). That doesn’t mean they don’t enjoy sexual activity. Women have to choose sex, allow their partner to stimulate them, and generally, the desire will then kick in. Check out my TEDx talk on this subject.
Scared For First Time Intercourse
Q: I’m an 18-year-old girl and I haven’t had sex yet, but I want to, but I’m scared my vagina is too small. I have tried inserting my fingers. I can only fit one into my vagina. What shall I do when I get to the stage of having sex? I’m scared in case they can’t get a penis in.
A: Vaginas are amazing organs that stretch to the point of letting a baby out. So don’t forget that! First penetration can be a bit uncomfortable, but that usually changes after you have had intercourse a few times. When you are ready to have sex, you want to make sure you are well aroused, lubricated and relaxed. This will help immensely. So make sure there is lots of foreplay before attempting penetration. Your partner can start stimulating you on the clitoris, then practice by inserting their finger. If you do have continued pain, then you might want to check it out with your gynecologist. Don’t forget to discuss birth control with your doctor and with your partner, as well as keeping yourself safe from sexually transmitted infections.