Phimosis
A: I am 20 year old male from India. I found out a couple years ago that I have Phimosis. I found it when I saw some suspicious yellow-orangeish hard clay-like substance in my semen. I haven’t told this to anyone and chances are I never will. I want to know is there any method to be NORMAL. I don’t wanna get circumcised. Are there any medicine or exercises? And is this even safe. Will it affect my sexual life (I’m a virgin right now, it’s kinda common in India). Will it cause any diseases or any other problem?
Q: The condition you describe (Phimosis) is when the foreskin cannot be pulled back. It sort of can feel like the foreskin is stuck or “glued” to the glans (head of the penis). I’m not sure that you are describing is in fact Phimosis. The main symptom is inflammation and sometimes pain with erections. I’m not sure why you would have a discharge from your penis. You really must see a proper doctor to have this checked out. It is not an uncommon condition, but one that needs to be looked at if it causes you discomfort. If it is in fact Phimosis, then a doctor can try first by prescribing a cream. But circumcision is sometimes the solution. Only a doctor can tell you that upon examination. There is nothing to be ashamed of!
My girlfriend likes to say “no”
Q: I have a unique relationship with a woman I’ve yet to meet. We live halfway across the globe and met thru a mutual interest mobile app and have gone from messaging to phone to constant video chat. We are mutually in love and have explored many avenues of our sexual relationship via video messaging.
We will meet in a few weeks in person in Europe and I feel very comfortable with our sexual compatibility based on our many intimate online exchanges. We have explored fantasies and she has expressed her arousal at some of the rougher sides of sexual intimacy (i.e. spanking, hair pulling, throat grabbing, etc) because she trusts me.
I am extremely sensitive to her desires and needs because I care so deeply about her and would never want to cross the line or make her feel uncomfortable.
However, one sticking point (and perhaps it’s cultural) is that she has expressed a desire to tell me “no” several times in hopes that I would pursue and continue in whatever method of sexual exploration we happen to be involved in. I have told her it makes me a little uncomfortable because with so many cases in the US (and abroad of course) of sexual abuse, that “No means NO” has been hammered into my head.
She doesn’t like the idea of a “safe word” because it spoils the intimacy. So she expects me to just read her mind. But I have told her that if I hear “no” in the bedroom, I’ll stop. This upsets her… I’m not sure how to deal with this aspect of our relationship when we begin to get intimate in person.
A: I totally get why you would be uncomfortable with this scenario. If you are going to practice BDSM you absolutely need a “safe word” otherwise how will you know when you have gone too far?? Please set your limits/boundaries clearly. You are in your absolute right to do that and tell her that you will not go further unless boundaries can be respected. You can always ask her to sign a “contract” with you about the “No means Yes” that she wants. But the rest needs a safe word too!