“Hi Stephanie. It’s Michael. Would you like to go out Saturday night?”
“Yes, I would,” Stephanie replied. “What did you have in mind?”
“I don’t know. Whatever you want.”
Jill called Greg at work. “I’m making supper. What would you like, chicken or fish?”
Greg wondered why Jill was calling him when he was so busy. He said, “You’re a great cook. Whatever you make will be good.”
Mary asked Edward where he wanted to go for their vacation. He replied, “Wherever you want is fine with me.”
Stephanie, Jill and Mary weren’t happy with these responses, and Michael, Greg and Edward couldn’t understand why. The decisions weren’t that important to them, and whatever the women wanted was fine. The men also thought that being willing to do whatever the women wanted showed they were non-controlling good men.
Michael didn’t realize that when he asks a woman out on a date without a plan to suggest, she may wonder: If he can’t even choose a place for a date, how will he handle the challenges of marriage and family life?
Greg didn’t realize that Jill asked him what he wanted for supper because she wanted a man who knows what he wants and can make a decision – even when the decision is not that important. To her, a decisive man is manly and attractive.
Edward thought asking Mary to plan the vacation was playing it safe. He feared that she would blame him if he chose the vacation, and she didn’t like it.
It Can Affect Your Relationship
Like many men today, these men didn’t realize how frustrated women are with men who say, “Whatever you want,” and leave making decisions and taking the lead to the woman.
A woman doesn’t want a domineering tyrant, but she also doesn’t want a man who avoids making decisions and doesn’t want to take the lead. As one woman told me, “When a man says, ‘Whatever you want’ and I have to tell him what to do, it makes me feel he is a child and I am his mother. I don’t want to be his mother.”
Another woman told me that she had lost respect for her partner over this and cringed at the thought of being intimate with him.
Another woman said that if the man in her life would stop always saying, “Whatever you want,” and start taking charge, she would be a better partner to him.
“How do I get the man in my life to stop saying ‘Whatever you want. You decide,’ when I ask him to make a decision?” a woman asked. “How do I get him to wear the pants? I find it hard to respect a man who expects me to wear them.”
A man may justify saying “Whatever you want” because he’s occupied with other issues. He may not realize how this may be impacting his relationship. I’ve talked to divorced men who said that if they had understood while they were married how important this is to the well-being of their relationship, they probably wouldn’t be divorced.
Regaining Respect
Catch yourself if you’re about to automatically say, “Whatever you want,” when she asks for your input on a decision. Pause and ask yourself: What can I say to show I am decisive and can take the lead? Keep doing this, and it can make her feel safe and protected. This may sound old-fashioned in today’s world of strong independent women but as one woman told me, “I may be a boss at work but when I’m with a man, I want to feel safe and protected.”
Even if you’re preoccupied with other issues, take a break and think of a response to her question that shows you are dealing with your share of these responsibilities and not leaving it all to her.
Better yet, don’t wait for her to ask you. Be aware of what’s going on and step forward with a plan to deal with the situation.
Do it for the same reason you are dealing with the bigger issues – to have a good relationship.
To learn more about being a man that a woman respects or how to inspire the man in your life to be that man, you can take a look at my books. Being the Strong Man A Woman Wants: Timeless wisdom on being a man, which has been translated into 24 languages, shares insights to help men improve their relationships. How to Get Your Man to Wear the Pants … So You Don’t Have To: Inspiring him to make more decisions, take the lead and STOP LEAVING IT ALL TO YOU! is strategies on how to get a man to do his share of taking charge. If you have questions or are interested in coaching: www.ElliottKatz.com Twitter @Elliott_Katz