In the past, researchers have assumed that people have sex for three distinct reasons: children, cementing the relationship, and pleasure. Well, it turns out there are 234 more reasons than that. Who knew?
University of Texas, Austin, psychologists asked 442 people, aged 17 to 52, one question: “Please list all the reasons why you or someone you know has engaged in sexual intercourse.”
An old saying says: Women have sex to become intimate. Men become intimate to have sex. In other words, the genders are sexually very different. Of course, there’s some truth to this. But in this survey, men’s and women’s reasons for engaging in sex are remarkably similar:
Women’s Reasons (from most to least frequently expressed):
- I felt attracted to the person.
- I wanted to experience the physical pleasure.
- It feels good.
- I wanted to show my affection for my partner.
- I wanted to express my love for my partner.
- I was sexually aroused and wanted the release.
- I felt horny.
- It’s fun.
- I realized I was in love.
- I was swept up in the heat of the moment.
- I wanted to please my partner.
- I wanted emotional closeness/intimacy.
- I wanted the pure pleasure.
- I wanted an orgasm.
- It’s exciting, adventurous.
- I wanted to feel connected to the person.
- The person’s physical appearance turned me on.
- It was a romantic setting.
- The person really desired me.
- The person made me feel sexy.
Men’s Reasons:
- I was attracted to the person.
- It feels good.
- I wanted to experience the physical pleasure.
- It’s fun.
- I wanted to show my affection for the person.
- I was sexually aroused and wanted the release.
- I felt horny.
- I wanted to express my love for the person.
- I wanted an orgasm.
- I wanted to please my partner.
- The person’s physical appearance turned me on.
- I wanted the pure pleasure.
- I was swept up in the heat of the moment.
- I desired emotional closeness/intimacy.
- It’s exciting/adventurous.
- The person had a desirable body.
- I realized I was in love.
- The person had an attractive face.
- The person really desired me.
- I wanted the adventure/excitement.
The myth is that men are obsessed with sex, while women want to deepen relationships. But the three most frequently cited reasons why both men and women get it on have nothing to do with either horniness or relationships. They’re based on attraction and pleasure.
Many people are pre-occupied with sexual victimization (rape, incest, pedophilia, etc.), and using sex for personal gain (money, a job, promotion, drugs, etc.) These are actually among the least frequent reasons for sex.
Women’s 5 Least Frequent Reasons
- I wanted to spread a sexually transmitted disease.
- Someone offered me money to do it.
- I wanted to get a raise.
- It was an initiation rite to a club or organization.
- I wanted to get a job.
Men’s 5 Least Frequent Reasons
- The person offered me drugs to do it.
- I wanted to spread a sexually transmitted disease.
- I wanted to punish myself.
- I wanted to break up my relationship.
- I wanted to get a job.
Despite the similarities just mentioned, men and women have different reasons for sex. The researchers calculated the reasons that differed the most by gender.
- The person wore revealing clothes. Stated more often by men.
- I wanted to feel masculine. More men.
- I wanted to relieve “blue balls.” More men.
- I wanted to feel feminine. More women.
- The person had a desirable body. More men.
- The person was available. More men.
- The person’s appearance turned me on. More men.
- It’s fun. More men.
- I wanted to have an orgasm. More men.
- The opportunity presented itself. More men.
Men were much more likely to have sex based on women’s physical characteristics: desirable body, attractive face. This finding supports a great deal of research showing that men are sexually stimulated by visual cues (for example, by pornography).
Women were more likely to have sex based on its contribution to a relationship: I wanted to express my love. I wanted deeper emotional closeness. Again, this finding supports other research showing that most women prefer sex in the context of a committed relationship.
So why do men and women have sex? For many more reasons than most people think.
Meston, CM and DM Buss. “Why Humans Have Sex,” Archives of Sexual Behavior (2007) 36:477.