“Hi Stephanie. It’s Mark. Would you like to go out Saturday night?”
“Yes, I would. What did you have in mind?”
“I don’t know. What would you like to do?”
When I speak at singles events, I ask women, “Put up your hand if a man asked you out and didn’t have a plan to suggest for the date.”
Most of the women put up their hands.
Many women have told me how frustrated they are with men who won’t make plans for a date, outing, vacation or other activity they do together. And they are fed up with men who don’t realize how frustrated this makes them.
Why do so many men act this way and not understand how frustrating this is for women?
They didn’t learn that women actually like it when a man has a plan to suggest for a date or other activity.
They also think they’re playing it safe. If the woman makes the plan, then she can’t criticize him if it goes wrong.
By leaving making plans to the woman, a man may also think he’s showing her that he’s non-controlling and won’t be accused of being domineering.
Another reason he doesn’t make a plan is because, often, it really doesn’t matter to him. He really is fine with the woman planning everything. He thinks he is so busy—why can’t she plan it?
How do you get him to make plans?
The key is to say the positive things he needs to hear that will inspire him to want to make plans and feel good about doing it.
When Mark didn’t have a plan to suggest for the date with Stephanie, she said, “I’d love to get together. But I don’t have any ideas on what we can do. Would you be able to come up with an idea? I’m sure you could plan something that would be a lot of fun.”
Mark looked at the entertainment listings and said, “There’s a new bowling alley that has a live jazz band. It will be fun. Afterward, we could get something to eat. What do you think?”
“Sounds great. What time will you pick me up?”
“I’ll be there at seven.”
They went out on Saturday night and had a great time. As they went out more, Mark became more confident planning dates he thought they would both enjoy. If Stephanie had a suggestion, he was always open to it. She also told him she appreciated that he made the effort to make plans.
But what if a couple has been going out for a while and he says, as Peter told Susan, “When I tried to make plans in the past, you criticized me and wouldn’t go along with what I suggested. I gave up.”
Susan replied, “I really want you to make the plans. It would really make me happy.”
That Saturday night, Peter had a plan. He had a telescope that he had borrowed. He suggested going on a drive out of the city and looking at the night sky. Then they could then go for desert at a new café.
“Let’s go,” Susan said with a grin on her face.
It was the same every year when it came time to plan the vacation. Mira would ask Edward what he wanted to do. He would say, “You plan it.” He thought he was being nice. Mira could choose where they would go and make the plans. He couldn’t understand why she wasn’t happy.
Mira said, “I know you look forward to our vacation. And I appreciate you trusting me to plan it. I really want you to help come up with ideas and make plans for the vacation. It would make me happy if you would work with me on planning it. I know with your ideas, it will be great!”
When Mira put it that way, Edward realized he shouldn’t leave all of the planning on her. He came up with some ideas for the vacation and suggested them to Mira. She said, “I really like them.”
When a man does make plans, avoid criticizing or complaining. Many men have told me they stopped trying to make plans after their plans were criticized. Keep applying these strategies and you can get him to make plans and have him feel happy doing it.
To receive a free chapter from each of Elliott Katz’s two relationship advice books, email him: ElliottRKatz@aol.com His book Being the Strong Man A Woman Wants: Timeless wisdom on being a man – which was translated into 24 languages — shares insights on how men can improve their relationships by being an emotionally strong man that a woman loves and respects. How to Get Your Man to Wear the Pants … So You Don’t Have To: Inspiring him to make more decisions, take the lead and STOP LEAVING IT ALL TO YOU! is full of strategies on how to get a man to do his share of taking charge. If you have questions or are interested in coaching: www.ElliottKatz.com
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