Depending on the sites you visit or the sexual health educators you talk to, you’re bound to get a lecture if you’re honest about your aversion to condoms. Even when it’s not supposed to feel like someone is preaching at you, it does, because you’ve heard it all before.
You already know that condoms are the only contraceptive that can reduce both your risk of unwanted infections and unplanned pregnancy. You already know that condoms greatly reduce your risk of infections that are transmitted by bodily fluids and that they also lessen your likelihood of contracting infections that are transmitted from skin to skin contact. You even know that there are tons of different kinds of condoms – ones that fit every shape and size of penis, ones that are ribbed, thin, lubed, flavored, made from different materials, and ones that can go internally or externally. You already know all of that about condoms, or you do now – see what I did there! So, you don’t need to hear it on repeat, because you’re not a fan, and you’d still like some practical advice.
I got you. Instead of telling you what you and your partner(s) should do, I think it’s more important to meet you where you are at with your safer sex and sexual health goals. Once you understand your actual risk, it’s up to you to decide which risks you’re willing to accept and which risks you’d like to reduce with some comprehensive safer sex methods. That’s where I come in!
What is comprehensive safer sex?
Comprehensive safer sex is just a fancy way of saying safe sex. We no longer use the term safe sex, because no partnered sexual activity is actually 100% safe from unwanted infection or unplanned pregnancy. With partnered sex (this includes hand sex, oral sex, and anal sex), there’s always some level of risk. So, the more accurate term is safeR sex, because there are ways to have safer sex, but there’s no way to have 100% safe sex.
Comprehensive safer sex takes that idea one step further and acknowledges that there’s no one way to practice safer sex. For different relationships, different activities, and even simply, different days of the week, something might work well for you, or a combination of somethings, and that’s going to be up to you and your partner(s) to decide.
What types of things are included in comprehensive safer sex?
It sounds complicated, but it’s not terribly complex. Basically, you can choose to use one or all of these comprehensive methods to reduce your risk – the more items you incorporate into your safer sex regimen, the less risky your sexual activities become. There’s no judgement or right and wrong if you choose to use only one or none of these safer sex practices, as long as you and your partner(s) are educated about your risks and you agree on which methods to incorporate.
In random order, comprehensive safer sex practices include:
- Talking to your partner(s) about safer sex and agreeing on the ways you’d like to reduce risk before engaging in activities with them.
- Getting tested for STIs/STDs before and after each new partner. Knowing which tests you and your partner(s) have had administered and keeping track of your results.
- Considering abstaining from partnered sexual activities when you’re under the influence of any mood altering substances, like drugs or alcohol.
- Considering reducing the number of concurrent partner(s) you have (one partner right after another) or the number of partner(s) you have at one time.
- Discussing with a medical practitioner whether a preventative drug, like PrEP, or an available vaccination, like HPV or hepatitis B, would be a good choice for you and/or your partner(s).
- Walking through the recommended preventive care checklist, and scheduling an appointment with a provider.
- Using lubrication for partnered activities (hand, oral, vaginal, and anal sex), including when you’re using barriers.
- Using barriers consistently and correctly (barriers is a fancy way of saying condoms, dams, or gloves).
Do I have to do everything that’s included in comprehensive safer sex to be sexually healthy?
A lot of folks believe that being sexually healthy means you have to be free from infection, but that’s not accurate. You can have an STI/STD and be sexually healthy. You can have an unplanned pregnancy and be sexually healthy. Neither of those things exclude you from being sexually healthy. Sexual health means being educated about your health and your risks and using that knowledge to enjoy a satisfying sex life and positive relationships.
The process of deciding with your partner(s) which risks you’re willing to accept, which risks you’d like to reduce and how you’d like to reduce them is part of being sexually healthy. Recognizing that, even if you apply all of the aforementioned safer sex practices, you still might contract an infection or experience an unplanned pregnancy, and that’s ok. If you’re aware of your risks, accepting that those things can happen and knowing your options, resources, and how you would handle either of those scenarios goes a long way toward maintaining your sexual health.
More importantly, it’s not up to us or anyone else to tell you when you should and shouldn’t use a condom or any other safer sex method. Instead, it’s more important that we, as educators, empower you to make the decisions that are going to be best for you and your partner(s). If you and your partner(s) make the decision not to regularly use condoms, you can still apply some of the other aspects of comprehensive safer sex to help reduce your risk, and you can still be a sexually healthy person. Go you!