When Bob went on a date, he wanted to show the woman he was vulnerable. He had heard that this is what women want from today’s men. He talked about his problems earning a living and his divorce. Then he couldn’t understand why she wasn’t interested in a second date.
Dave ran a stressful business. When he came home, he would talk to his wife about his feelings. He thought she wanted to hear this because he heard that women today want men to talk about their feelings. When his wife wanted a divorce, she told him she couldn’t take him always talking about his feelings. He was sure other women would appreciate him talking about his feelings.
Mike was always complaining to his wife about his lack of success. She didn’t mind that he wasn’t a go-getter but she didn’t like him always complaining about how others had done better than him.
Bob, Dave and Mike didn’t know how important it is for a woman to feel emotionally safe and protected when she is with a man. They also didn’t realize that what they were doing had the opposite effect. It did not make the women feel safe and protected at all.
In these days when a woman is strong and successful in her career and in leadership roles around the world, it is still important for her to feel safe and protected when she is in a relationship with a man. It may seem contrary to what men today are told, but when a man does not make a woman feel safe and protected, she may find it hard to respect him and this can lead to problems in the relationship.
“I may be a boss at work,” said Heather. “But when I am with a man, I want to feel like a woman. I want to feel safe and protected.”
What do you need to say or do so a woman will feel safe and protected? Here are several ways:
Take responsibility
A woman feels safe and protected when a man takes responsibility. When there is a problem, take the initiative and say, “I’ll handle it” but still be open to her ideas. Wear the pants and deal with the situation. If you leave all of these responsibilities to her, she may lose respect for you.
Speak up in challenging situations
You don’t need to be a knight in shining armor, but she does need to feel you will stand up for her in a challenging situation.
Maureen said she divorced her husband because when there was a challenging situation, he didn’t stand up for them. He waited for her to speak up. As a result, she lost respect for him.
When she asks for your input on a decision—be decisive
A man who is decisive is seen as emotionally strong. Making a lot of decisions can be hard but if she asks for your input, be decisive but at the same time be willing to listen to her thoughts as well. Even when she asks you to make a decision that is not important to you—make the decision. If you always want her to decide, she may lose respect for you.
Be there for her
A woman will feel safe and protected when you are the rock she can lean on. Show her that you are on her side and with her in good times and bad. Offer to help her with challenges she is facing. Let her know that she can count on you to be there when she needs you.
Be a man of your word
A woman also feels safe and protected when she is with a man she knows she can trust. When she feels she can depend on you to keep your word, she will see you as emotionally strong. When you say you will do something, do it. If you can’t do it, tell her and explain why.
Mark had tried to be the kind of husband he thought his wife wanted and couldn’t understand why she wasn’t happy and divorced him. He gradually learned that what he was doing was actually damaging his marriage because he wasn’t making her feel safe and protected. In his new relationship, he always asks himself: What would make her feel safe and protected in this situation? Then that is what he does. The relationship is loving and respectful.
To receive a free chapter from each of Elliott Katz’s two relationship advice books, email him: ElliottRKatz@aol.com His book Being the Strong Man A Woman Wants: Timeless wisdom on being a man – which was translated into 24 languages — shares insights on how men can improve their relationships by being an emotionally strong man that a woman loves and respects. How to Get Your Man to Wear the Pants … So You Don’t Have To: Inspiring him to make more decisions, take the lead and STOP LEAVING IT ALL TO YOU! is full of strategies on how to get a man to do his share of taking charge. If you have questions or are interested in coaching: www.ElliottKatz.com
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