Health And Erections
Q: Good day Dr. Laurie. I am a male, 40 years old, and my weight now is 120 kg, which is quite high, I know. I have an issue with erections and I ejaculate in just a minute when I have sex with my partner. Please, if you have guidance or advice to offer about what I should do.
A: The only information I have to go on here is your weight. When a man experiences erection problems, it’s important to try and figure out what the underlying cause is. It could be physical or psychological or a combination of both.
Let’s examine obesity as a possible cause of your erectile dysfunction. It has been shown that obesity can damage blood vessels, can lead to diabetes, high blood pressure, and other conditions that directly impact your penis. So the first line of defense is to lead a healthier lifestyle. Bring your BMI down (body mass index), get some exercise, avoid alcohol and smoking, and really focus on your health. If you need help with this, you might want to consult with a nutritionist/dietician, use a diet/lifestyle app, get a fitness coach, etc. I also recommend you see your general doctor to get blood work done, to check your heart, and your blood pressure. Sometimes erectile dysfunction can be a precursor to future heart issues, so please take it seriously.
As for the premature ejaculation, this could be due to various factors. Again, I have no information to go on, so I can only talk generally about this. Most men ejaculate within 2-5 minutes of intercourse. However, if you have sex infrequently, and don’t masturbate, then there’s a good chance you will orgasm faster. The first step is to establish whether we are dealing with a physical issue. After that, you can consult with a sex therapist or psychologist to see if there are other issues in your life that are affecting your mind (like anxiety) which in turn affects your sexuality.
Dating A Guy That Can’t Get It Up
Q: Hi Dr. Laurie, I just started seeing this guy and I’m very attracted to him. When we make out, I get really wet, but I can’t climax. Also, he doesn’t get hard ever. He’s had trouble before me and I find his inability to get hard a turn-off. I really like him, but I’m concerned about him not being able to penetrate me. Any advice?
A: There are two things to address here. So you get aroused when you make out but you are not climaxing. It may take a whole lot more for you to reach climax than just making out. Women usually need some form of clitoral stimulation (self-stimulation, partners mouth or hands) to climax. So maybe you need to readjust your expectations.
The second issue is his difficulty with erections. In my practice, men (often young men) come to me with erectile difficulties related to what’s called performance anxiety. It’s very possible this guy gets very nervous at the beginning of a relationship, and that he worries about his abilities to get an erection, and may worry about you judging him. All this worry, all this stuff going on in his head, can definitely hinder his abilities to get an erection. You should also know that 99% of the time, this has nothing to do with how aroused he is, how attracted he is to you, or what he wants his body to do. In fact, the more he likes you, the more likely this is to happen as he feels even more pressure to impress you.
If you really like him, and you see a future with him, give him a chance. In my experience, when men feel safe, and not judged, and they sense your compassion, this problem often disappears. When their partner reacts with disappointment, anger, or sadness, this only makes it worse and may lead to an avoidance of sex because they don’t want to disappoint you. Please keep in mind that I’m making some assumptions here as I have limited information to go on. I would want to know things like his age, his relationship history, whether this problem has been transient or in every situation, whether he experiences erectile difficulties with masturbation, to name a few factors.