I have been coaching adult aged virgins for nearly 15 years to help them enter the world of dating for the first time. Many adult aged virgins don’t want to lose their virginities just for the sake of it; they want to be seeing someone regularly and give their virginity to a partner that makes them feel valued. For many, anonymous sex isn’t enough. They want their first sexual encounter to be more meaningful than that.
Although each case is a little different, there are some common traits in many of the cases I deal with when I coach Adult Aged Virgins.
Here are 5 of the more common tips of advice I share with Adult Aged Virgins who want to attract someone to date that they can lose their virginity to.
1-Make Your Love Life a Priority: If there was one main obstacle that holds back adult aged virgins from losing their virginity, it is not making their love life a priority. Yes, you may have to work full time to earn a living. Yes, you may have to complete your schoolwork for your degree. Yes, you may have ailing parents you have to take care of. Yes, you may have career obligations and other priorities to be mindful of. However, if you do not make your love life just as much a priority as everything else that is important in your life, it is unlikely you will lose your virginity in the near future. Part of the reason you are an adult aged virgin is that you made a series of choices in life that worked together to bring you to this point. If you do not change your priorities and create time to meet new people to date, you will likely continue to remain a virgin. Make time to have a love life, and focus your attention on more social activities that could potentially lead you to meeting new people to date.
2-Create a space for physical intimacy. When you do finally find a romantic partner, do you have someplace romantic to take them? This might be a good time to look at the décor of your bedroom. Is it clean enough? Is your bed comfortable and large enough to accommodate two people safely? Are there candles nearby ready to enhance the mood? Do you have some music already lined up or programmed in a device to go? Have you considered having some massage oils handy? Do you have appropriate curtains hanging for privacy? Is your bathroom properly stocked for an overnight guest? Do you have condoms and other such items in reach? Losing your virginity is not just about being mentally ready; there are some physical elements for you to prepare for ahead of time, which can enhance the experience when it happens.
3-Focus on what you have to offer as a person. So what if you are still an adult aged virgin? That one aspect does not define your entire identity. In fact, there is NOTHING WRONG with being an adult aged virgin. It is OK, if you chose to be a virgin. It is OK to be happy that you are a virgin. If you wish to remain a virgin, that is OK as well. No judgment here. The only time it is an issue is if someone is an adult aged virgin and they do not wish to be, but are unable to figure out how to go about connecting with another human being for sex and relationships. On that point, please be compassionate with yourself. You are not an adult aged virgin that happens to be a human being. You are a human being first, that just happens to be an adult aged virgin. See what I mean? You are so much more than your virginity status. You have to focus on all the traits you have, your values, and what you offer as a potential dating candidate and let that influence your confidence. Focus on what you have to offer, not what you feel you are lacking.
4-Learn everything you can about sex. From the how-to of various sexual techniques, to the psychology of sexuality, to the broad spectrum of sexual orientation, fetishes and quirks; there is something to learn for everyone. The goal here is to de-mystify it and make sex a less scary thing to try. I also would suggest that you may want to consider seeking out the advice of a sex therapist or another professional who specializes in the field of sexuality. Your opportunity to connect sexually with someone will come one day, so make yourself more ready today. Find the resource you feel most comfortable with and get acquainted.
5-Explore some of your interests. This is about exploring what is available for you to enjoy in your life. Is there someplace you have thought about visiting but never traveled to because you did not have a relationship partner to go with? Go travel and visit that place now. Is there a language or culture that has always fascinated you? Perhaps taking a language class might be the interest you can explore. Fed up of never knowing how to dance at a wedding? Sign up for a dance class. Like a well cooked meal? Maybe some cooking lessons are in your future. This is about stepping just outside of your comfort zone, to help you grow as a person. The best part is, while you grow as a person, and learn new things about yourself, you increase the chances of meeting new people to date who share some of the same interests that you have.
Frank Kermit is the author of The Adult Male Virgin Handbook
Learn more about what Frank Kermit can do for you at www.FrankTalks.com