By Sophia Banks
Transgender, or trans, are terms used to describe people who have a different gender than the one assigned to them at birth.
Below are some helpful definitions and abbreviations commonly used.
AMAB: Refers to Assigned Male At Birth, this is a term used for trans women and non-binary folks born with a penis.
AFAB: Refers to Assigned Female At Birth, this is a term used for trans men and non-binary folks born with a vagina.
HRT: Hormone Replacement Therapy is when trans people take hormones to change physical aspects of their body, such as trans women taking estrogen and testesterone blockers to alter their body into a way that feels more them.
Trans Woman: Is a woman who was AMAB. Most often they live and present as women and seek out HRT. Some however choose not to for a variety of reasons.
Trans Man: Is a man who was AFAB. Most often they live and present as men and also seek out HRT, and often surgery to remove their breasts, although like some trans women, some choose not to seek out these medical interventions, or cannot due to limitations.
Non-Binary: Refers to people who may feel they are neither male nor female, or maybe even both, or simply have no association with gender. They can be AFAB or AMAB. They may seek out medical treatment like HRT, they may not. NB is an abbreviation for non-binary. Some also use genderqueer as a term to describe their gender.
Transition: Is a commonly used term to describe the process of medical and social transition. Often referring to a process binary trans people go through as they ‘switch’ the gender they were living as into the one that they are. This can be taking HRT, having surgeries, presenting differently and legally changing names and identity cards. Transition is unique to each individual and varies from person to person.
Passing: A commonly used term to describe trans people who often are not read or seen as trans people and often live life with no one knowing they are trans aside from family, and partners. Passing can also be a complicated and problematic term, however. What does passing really mean? Do we say look at a woman and assume she is a trans woman because she is broad or tall, etc… How does a non-binary person who uses they pronouns pass when people assume they are either male or female and generally are unware that gender outside of the binary even exists.
Cis: Is a shortform for cisgender but is most often written as cis. It means the opposite of trans or transgender. Simply put, if you not trans you are cis. It’s kinda akin to how straight is to gay, it’s not a slur, just a description. It’s certainly better than saying “trans and not trans people”.
It’s important to note that not all trans people take hormones or seek surgery related to being trans. Every trans person is unique and will seek out treatments and procedures that is best for them, some trans folks will choose not to medically transition, others cannot afford the access to trans related health care. Although these are common terms and phrases not all trans people use these terms and some may find them positive while others may find them offensive. It really is best to check in with individual trans people on the language and terms that they use and feel best with.
An important thing to keep in mind with trans people is that we are not monoliths, we are all unique individuals and seek out healthcare that is best for us when we can access it. Some trans folks transition both medically and socially, others transition in varying degrees. For example, some trans women take HRT, seek out breast surgery, vaginoplasty, facial feminization surgery, etc… Some trans women take HRT but opt to keep their penis or perhaps remove the testicles and keep their penis. Some trans women choose not to take HRT. Most trans women remove their facial hair but some don’t. It’s really up to individual trans people to decide what is best for them and their bodies and what makes them feel their best. There is not right or wrong way to be trans.
Sexuality and Trans People
Trans people have a sexuality just like everyone else, they can be straight, gay, lesbian, bisexual, queer, asexual. Some trans people find their sexuality changes as they go through transition others find it stays the same.
An example could be if a trans woman was living as a ‘man’ and sexually and emotionally evolved with men prior to her coming out and transition she would most likely identify as a straight woman, not a gay man, even if prior to her transition she was identifying as a gay man she would be a woman who likes men and would be a straight woman.
It’s a common assumption that all trans women were living as gay men before coming out as trans but many trans women are also queer, lesbian, bisexual. She may have lived as a straight man before her coming out and transition and now lives as a gay or queer woman.
The sexuality of trans people is just as diverse as their gender identities and their sexuality is diverse and sometimes fluid just like everyone else.
Attraction to Trans People and Bodies
Often we can find ourselves attracted to trans people and not even realize it. We may see a good looking woman and not realize she is trans, or perhaps we find ourselves attracted to the androgyny of a non-binary person. There is nothing wrong with finding trans people and trans bodies attractive.
If you are a straight man who finds trans women attractive then you are still a straight man. Trans women are women, regardless of gender assigned at birth or what genitals she has.
There are of course many ways to be intimate with trans people, just like with cis people. Imagination in the bed is always a good thing.
What is important is being comfortable with your partner’s trans body and being willing to take time to find out what makes them feel good, what they don’t like, what terms they prefer, what is and is not okay with them. For example, some trans women who have a penis like to use their penis during sex, others don’t. Either is fine.
So when you find yourself attracted to a trans person, or intimate with a trans person don’t worry so much about sexuality and what is ‘normal’ have fun and consensual play. Enjoy it, be respectful. Many trans women find it unattractive when you are simply looking to hook up with a trans woman and are fetishizing her trans body, perhaps thinking this is way to explore your attraction to penis. She is a woman and if you are a man there is nothing gay or queer about being with a trans woman.
Trans Panic
Too common is when cis men find themselves attracted to trans women and when they are intimate with her and panic when they are realize they are with a trans woman, typically she still has her penis when this happens but not always. This is referred to as trans panic and is the leading cause of violence towards trans women. There is no reason to be insecure about finding trans women attractive. Society often shames this, stigmatizes people who find trans people attractive and causes people to feel a sense of shame and guilt about it.
There is also no obligation for trans people to disclose trans status to their partners, most often will out of safety and or respect but they are not certainly not obligated too.
Respect, Consent and Health and Safety
When being intimate with trans people it is important to practice safe sex just like you would with cis people. Both for safety and to avoid unwanted pregnancies. Although uncommon trans men can get pregnant and trans women can create fertile sperm. It varies from person to person and what sort of medical transition they have sought. It can also vary greatly with non-binary folks depending on genitals. So it’s generally wise to talk your trans partner and about safety and reproductive health.
When seeking out a trans partner remember to be respectful and consensual as you should be with anyone else. Trans people are people seeking the same sorts of intimacy cis people seek.