What Constitutes Cheating?
Q: I recently heard through some mutual friends that my boyfriend of five years made out with another woman while I was out of town. Well, to be clear, they reminded him of what happened and he told me—because, according to him, he was so drunk that he doesn’t remember doing it. He told me about it as soon as they told him about it, so it kind of feels like he’s not trying to hide anything. At the same time, I’m really hurt. I believe that he didn’t do it with malicious intent and that it was a mistake he wants to make up for, but I’m still having trouble forgiving him. How do I get to a place where I’m not mad and hurt anymore?
A: People do make mistakes, unfortunately, and most especially when alcohol is involved. If this is a one-time thing, and he has always been faithful otherwise, it might be a little easier to forgive him and move on. It’s perfectly normal to feel angry and hurt, even with this one transgression. It may take a while for you to trust him fully again, especially when he goes out without you to, say a party, where he will drink and other women will be there. Asking for full transparency is a good idea, and if you say he is trying to make up for it, then in time, you will be able to move on from this. It will also depend on how he handles your anger and sadness. If he puts pressure on you to “let it go already” or something like that, then that will not feel like he is validating your feelings or taking full responsibility for his mistake. If you see that you are having trouble letting it go, I would recommend couples therapy.
Dating Apps
Q: Everyone has their own opinion on what dating apps are the best ones. There are stereotypes about each one, and everyone’s anecdotal evidence (“Tinder is best for this!” “Hinge is best for that!”) doesn’t really interest me. Since you’re the expert, can you tell me what service or app is the best out of all of them?
A: I guess it depends on what you are looking for. Some dating apps are known more for hookups, while others are for people looking for more serious relationships. Some apps are for people with fetishes, others are for people looking for a partner of a particular religion. Still others are for professionals seeking other professionals. I think it’s a good idea to listen to your friends who have been successful with particular apps and who are looking for the same things you are.