Losing The “Wow” Factor
Q: In a nutshell, 3 years ago I started to experience pelvic floor muscle spasms—there was no trauma to cause this. Sex became painful. I went to a physiotherapist and it helped with the pain but I lost that feeling of ‘WOW’ when I have sex now. It’s like rubbing two arms together, there’s no more crazy good sensation. And I don’t know how to change or fix it.
A: My first question to you is, “Are you still feeling some pleasure?” You say on the one hand there is no WOW, and also say it’s like rubbing two arms together, so it’s a bit confusing as to what you are actually experiencing. For most women, clitoral stimulation is what is needed to feel pleasure and reach orgasm. Have you tried focusing on this area rather than penetration? You may want to introduce a sex toy that is designed for clitoral play. In addition, the more you worry about this, the more you are in your head and the less you can focus on your bodily sensations. Experiment together with different types of touches, different positions, etc. You also may need to speak to a therapist to see if there are any emotional issues that are contributing to the problem.
Feeling It
Q: I’m a woman and I’ve had sex with three men now. I get wet, but I really don’t feel anything once penetration happens. Like, I feel movement, but I don’t really feel any sensation beyond that, let alone pleasure. Is there something wrong with me?
A: Rest assured there is likely nothing wrong with you. Over 80% of women do not orgasm through intercourse alone. I’m assuming that you get wet because you feel aroused, so that’s a good thing. To get maximum pleasure though, you will need clitoral stimulation, either through foreplay (fingers, oral sex) or using a clitoral stimulator (sex toy) during penetration.