“I was so shy. I stared at my phone for hours and put off calling her. Finally, I called and asked her out,” Edward shared. “She turned me down. I was crushed. It would be months before I would try again to ask someone out on a date. That’s how shy I was.”
Like a lot of things in life, the more you do it, the better you get at it. Remember the first time you drove a car? You were probably self-conscious of everything you did. But you wanted to drive so you kept at it until you were comfortable behind the wheel.
The same is true with asking someone to go on a date with you. You may feel self-conscious and shy, but the more you do it, the more confident you become.
When Edward met Georgia at an event, he was so impressed with her he wondered if she would go out with him. He told himself the only way he could find out was to ask her. He asked if she would like to get together and when she said yes, he asked for her phone number. When he called her two days later, he asked her if she wanted to go out that weekend. She said yes. They went out that weekend and have been together since.
If you want to go out with someone on a date, you have to ask them. If you wait for the other person to ask you, it might not happen and the only people you will go out with are people who aren’t shy to ask.
Ways to overcome that shyness:
- Face the fear and it will gradually go away. There’s a saying, “Fake it til you make it.” Act as if you are confident even though you may not feel confident. By acting as if you are confident, you will see that you can do the actions of confidently asking someone for a date.
- Watch people who are confident at asking someone for a date and learn from them. We can learn many skills in life from watching people who are good at it.
- Take a course in public speaking. For a lot of people, public speaking is their greatest fear. Overcoming that fear can give you the self-confidence to do a lot of things you may have feared. Work on developing impromptu speaking skills – the ability to speak quickly on your feet. It is helpful not only for asking for a date but also in speed dating where you meet people one after the other for a short conversation.
- Keep in mind that when you ask a person for a date you are not asking them to spend the rest of their life with you. You are asking them to meet for a few hours. The goal is for both of you to get to know each other and think about whether there is potential for a long-term relationship.
- If the other person doesn’t want to go out or go out a second time, think about what you learned from the experience, move on and apply what you learned to future dates. As former Indian President APS Abdul Kalam was famous for saying, “FAIL means ‘First Attempt In Learning’ and ‘NO means Next Opportunity.’”
- When you call a person to ask them out, get to the point. Don’t spend a lot of time making small talk before asking them out. Have a plan to suggest for the date. Think about what you know about the other person and propose something you think you would both enjoy.
- Think in advance about things you can talk about on the date. Focus on getting to know the other person. Ask them questions about themselves. What do they do as a job? What inspired them to pursue that career? What do they do in their spare time? What kind of music, movies or books do they enjoy? Do they do anything in the community?
Keep doing these things and you will keep growing more confident when asking someone for a date. No more staring at the phone for hours.
For tips on how to make a good impression on a first date, see my earlier article 12 Ways Men Can Make A Great Impression On A First Date (pornhub.com)
To receive a free chapter from each of Elliott Katz’s two relationship advice books, email him: ElliottRKatz@aol.com His book Being the Strong Man A Woman Wants: Timeless wisdom on being a man—which was translated into 24 languages—shares insights on how men can improve their relationships by being an emotionally strong man that a woman loves and respects. How to Get Your Man to Wear the Pants … So You Don’t Have To: Inspiring him to make more decisions, take the lead and STOP LEAVING IT ALL TO YOU! is full of strategies on how to get a man to do his share of taking charge. If you have questions or are interested in coaching: www.ElliottKatz.com
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